Bigger Than Me

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CLA Eagles – Varisty Girls

This past winter I had the opportunity to teach, train, disciple and build relationship with 22 jr. and sr. high school girls alongside people that I respect and admire. For four months I found fulfillment in doing the work God had called me to. Every day I found joy in the knowledge that coaching was what I got to do with my life. The challenges were minuscule in comparison to the daily rewards, in fact, the challenges made everything all the brighter.

I dreaded the end of our season.

Sure enough, Saturday, March 22nd came and along with it the Winter Sports Banquet. It was a lovely time. I had the blessing of talking about the Varsity Girls team and it gave me a lot of closure. But that was the problem—the season closed, and I slid into deep post-season depression.

The following Monday I started a new job, and it went well. I had a great boss, helpful and encouraging co-workers, and I was confident that I could do well in the position. To my own confusion, though, when I got home I cried my eyes out. I didn’t understand why, I mean, things had gone well. Then I realized that for four months I had been doing work that I felt meant something. Coaching was much, much bigger than me and I felt honored to be a part of it. To go from that kind of joy and fulfillment in coaching to work retail flattened me. [1]

I let myself cry a little longer, but as C.S. Lewis said, Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” So, reluctantly, I forced the tears down and opened up the Word to 1 Peter 1:5-9:

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.

The verses were so perfect I started crying again. I realized my own fear of becoming ineffective and purposeless…and God addressed it immediately. That passage told me  that as long as I am constantly pursuing him, it is impossible for me to become ineffective. If my desire is to be close to and serve the Lord, than I will be a fruitful force for his Kingdom, and thus, always a part of something MUCH bigger than me.

…..but *cough* I still miss coaching.

[1] Not that it really matters to this post, but I’m actually not working retail anymore. Yay! 

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