Within 5 minutes of waking up this morning I was crying under the weight of my stress load. Not a good beginning to a Monday, right? Trying to get my mind into working gear I straightened up my room a bit and made myself a cup of tea before settling down to spend some time with God in prayer. I almost didn’t do it. I looked at my history book and back at my Bible and back to my history book, no, God needed to come first. So, with a not so fantastic attitude I began reading and then praying. As I continued into my time I found that I could not focus, speeches, history tests and basketball crowded out my thoughts of talking with God. Frustrated I bent my forehead down onto my desk and just sat there. I took a deep breath and told God that I needed to let go of every thing in order to wholly focus on him. I listed every thing that was stressing me out and I asked him to just take them, and show me how to handle everything. Then, in the silence, I heard “it is not about you, Emily, it is about Me.” I thought about it for awhile and then I saw that in my stress and worry, I was focused on what I was doing and what I needed to accomplish, not the fact that I am living the life God has called me to and He, in his timing and in his own way will bring about his purpose in and through me. Again, basic, but difficult.
I cannot say that I did not mess up for the rest of the day, I still worried, but the Holy Spirit quickly convicted me…and did not leave me alone until I listened. Do not get me wrong, I am still pretty worn out by all of my work and activities. But now, I have a better perspective on how God wants me to handle all of the things I am trying to juggle.