When I Don’t Want To

When I was a little person (little as in age) and I got into a bad mood and started being disrespectful to my mom or mean to my two siblings, my mom would do three things:

First, she’d tell me to knock the attitude off.

Second, she’d discipline me.[1]

Third, she’d tell me that I should probably go talk to Jesus for a while.

Well, that last one just always made me mad. I was already in a bad mood and the last think that I wanted to do was to go talk to Jesus. Why? Because I knew that I’d have to admit that I was wrong…and I don’t really like to do that. So, very sourly, I’d tell my mom that “I don’t want to pray.” Then she’d calmly respond “I guess that means you probably should, right?”

I think that we all feel that way about our walk with the Lord sometimes. I know that I still do as a young woman. I don’t feel like praying. I don’t want to read my Bible. I am uncomfortable reaching out to people I don’t know. I am upset when I have to serve in a way I don’t want to.

Want and Feel. Hmm. Where do those emotions come from? Answer: my sinful heart. Well, there is a truth that I’ve learned lately:

JESUS NEVER TOLD ME TO FOLLOW MY HEART.[2] HE TOLDME TO FOLLOW HIM.

Sometimes…no, all the time…that means doing things that I do not want to do. Following Jesus is work. It requires effort, devotion, discipline and a heart that is continually calling on the Holy Spirit for direction. The beautiful part is that when I do obey his command, the joy of following him gives me a desire to follow him more.

Each day I have a battle that I must wage in my own soul. Each day I am fighting the forces of evil in the spiritual realm trying to keep me from following Christ. Each day I have choices of who I’m going to live for: myself or God.

The Lord has given me the Holy Spirit to guide, challenge and correct me. His strength is all I need.


[1] At that age the most effective way for her to punish me was to take away whatever book I was reading that day. You know a girl is a bookworm when anything is better than her book getting taken away![1]Ha-ha, one time (in-between tears) I asked my mom for a spanking instead so that I could have my book back!

[2] The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? – Jeremiah17:9 (ESV)

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